I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
