I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
