I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
