I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
