Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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