We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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