I love black thongs
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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