my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
