So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
