she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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