he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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