I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
