everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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