Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm having to shit out rocks
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