That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
