That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
