im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
