Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Floor bacon is actually really good
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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