It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We have started to decorate penises.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
