I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
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She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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