I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
