can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
