Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
