Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
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We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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