her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
