No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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