Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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