Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
