if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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