we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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