Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
