If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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