i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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