New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
