Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
