and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I heard we made out
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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