oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
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I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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