bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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