I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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