You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
