So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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