I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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