My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
