I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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