Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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