how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
