i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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