Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
