Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
