Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
