why didn't you poke me back
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
