how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
