I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
