his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
