Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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