just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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