Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
