Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
