Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize