im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
