I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
